DISCLAIMER: I WROTE THIS BACK IN DECEMBER. I’M MUCH BETTER NOW. Also, the song choice is supposed to be funny.
It occured to me back in December that if I’m not actually enjoying all the things I’m doing that I’m supposed to enjoy, then one or both of two things is true:
1) there’s a disconnect between what I (and everyone around me) thinks I enjoy and what I actually do enjoy.
2) I’m suffering from depression to the point that I really can’t enjoy anything.
I’m pretty sure #2 isn’t true, so I need to look more closely at #1.
If #1 is true, it’s probably because I’m operating in bad faith, fooling myself and some of those around me, not being honest about:
- my needs
- The choices I’m actually making and why
- The reasons I so often delay decisions to the point of advocating them
- The costs of my choices
- What I can and can’t do, really, in terms of my life
I’ve done a lot of thinking about that (and working with it) over this year’s first three months. Next week, I’ll write about what I’ve discovered.