Write your goals down,  but don’t publicize them

Essentially, a goal, and getting the positive feedback that comes from that goal announcement,  makes you feel like you’ve done more than you actually have toward accomplishing that goal.

Here’s the original TED talk. It goes into a little more depth about the research 

https://youtu.be/NHopJHSlVo4

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“Deserve” Has Everything to Do With It

A while back I talked about how “deserve has nothing to do with it.” Now I want to talk about the opposite. Sometimes, deserve has everything to do with it.

For those of us who were born in relative privilege, we have to deserve the things that we get and that we go for.

We may be handed a lot, being born in a country that’s not war-torn, that has clean water, that has vaccinations. But there are things we have to earn.

I was reading an Onion article called, “find the thing you love most, and do it on nights and weekends for the rest of your life.” I have to admit I found it pretty depressing. 

But when I look back at when I was younger and had more time and opportunity, I see that I never really took advantage of it.

I never really pursued being a writer when I was young and had the relative freedom to do that. I certainly never pushed myself, writing hard and really studying to improve my skills, when I was young and had so much more time than I do now.

In short, I didn’t deserve to succeed. I didn’t deserve to be a writer.

What that means now is that if I ever want to have even some sideline success with this, is that now I’m going to have to earn it when it’s harder.

I wasted my playthrough on the “easy setting” and now I’m going to slightly harder setting … still not anywhere near the hardest setting … but slightly harder than before. 

And so now I’m going to have to prove that I want this more and then I’m willing to be more disciplined than I was as a young man, and do this while still keeping up my work and family responsibilities, even though it’s harder now than it was before.

And I have to be more disciplined and more dedicated than I’ve ever been before. Which is a pretty low bar to leap.

Long Journey, Part 2: A Long Road That Has No Turn

​https://youtu.be/sGs9V7iDuZU

Yesterday, I talked about how the changes I want to make in my life all promise a lot of effort, even pain, with no guarantee of arrival. 

I’ve been thinking about that since I wrote it,  and it occurs to me just how  fortunate I am.  

The goals I have to struggle toward are self-actualization goals. The first four levels of Maslow’s needs hierarchy are pretty much taken care of. 

I have a good job (one I enjoy most of the time)  with benefits and truly good co-workers. 

There is plenty of food in our panty,  fridge,  and deep freeze,  and money to eat out of we don’t feel like cooking

Our house is safe, dry,  un-infested, and everything works. 

I live in  a safe neighborhood.

I only drive about 2 miles to work.

As a white (cis, het) man, the world is an infinitely safer place for me than it is for most other Americans. 

I have a loving wife and daughter. 

I have an extended family, and we love each other (even my in-laws, which I understand makes me really lucky).

Truthfully, my stakes are low. If I fail at these personal goals, I will be upset with myself, and my life will not improve. 

But my kid won’t starve, I won’t lose my house, I won’t be raped and then watch my rapist get 6 months in prison, and I won’t be gunned down while buying a bb gun at Wal-Mart.  

We all want to improve ourselves and our lives, but it’s easy to lose track and think that if we can, anyone can. For people like me, that kind of thinking is part of the problem. 

A Long Journey, with Much Pain, and No Guarantee of Arrival


I realized something today about all the things I want to change about myself: 

Every one well be painful and long.  None will be accomplished overnight. They will require me to hurt for a fairly long time. 

Muscles will ache. My mind will wrack  with ideas and extended effort, long after inspiration has passed. 

And not a single one of them comes with a guarantee of success. 

There are smarter ways to work, tactics to prevent injury and burnout, and tips to lighten the load, but there will be no more easy victories. Becoming vegan was the only one of those I’m likely to get. 

The sooner I accept this,  the sooner I can really get started. 

Heh. Does this mean I’m finally growing up? 


On TaskBar, But Off-Task (PC Distraction)


I just noticed a bad habit I have: whenever I’m working on something and I get to a tedious, annoying, or difficult part, my eyes glance away, looking toward the taskbar, seeking out something easier or more interesting. 

I physically felt it happen today, but I know it’s been going on for a long time. 

I know now more than ever that I really need to keep “up” (active)  only those things I am currently working on. 

If I need a break, I can take a break. I’m valued where I work, and my supervisors know that a lot of the work I do takes a lot of skill, focus, and mental energy. 

But I won’t be at my best if I’m constantly flitting from task to task, from analysis to email to course shell. 

I’m sure I’m much worse about it at home on my laptop,  when I’m on my own admission have video games, Facebook, Netflix, and other such entertainments to distract me. 

Maybe this is why George R. R. Martin and Dean Wesley Smith write on computers with no internet access. 

So here it’s my new role,  for work sends at home:  only keep those Windows up that are needed for the current task.  Finish it,  then move on. 

We’ll see how it goes. Maybe this trick.will help on my home laptop:

https://youtu.be/s-rPXMIiPjE